R. Kelly has a balance of negative $13 in his bank account… Let that sink in

R. Kelly takes a moment to think about life

*Record Scratch* *Freeze Frame*
“You’re probably wondering how I got here.”
R. Kelly, probably.

So here’s what happened, a Chicago landlord recently won a judgement against the R-rah for $173,000 in unpaid rent. The court seized $154,527.22 from a number of Kelly’s Bank of America accounts to pay down the debt, which left Kelly still on the hook for nearly $20,000.

According to court papers, the landlord attempted to collect the remaining sum from another of Kelly’s accounts at Wintrust Bank, but that account was $13 in the red.

The landlord has gone as far as asking Kelly’s record company, Sony, and the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publisher (ASCAP) for the cash owed. It’s reported ASCAP flatly said NOPE.

Assuming Kelly has no other bank accounts scattered around (he probably does), this would make the “Did you ever think that you would be this rich” singer not just morally, but fiscally bankrupt. Oof!

But chin up, Kels. Glass half full, right? Things aren’t that bad. Here are 4 things uglier than your finances:



Whether it’s the complete absence of the Tea Party in the era of the budget busting white president (remember how concerned they were about the national debt when Barry was in charge), sensitive liberals who want to limit other people’s free speech, white America’s newfound compassion for dope heads now that whites can’t shake the monkey, or black America’s full embrace of the n-word (Do any of you remember Bamboozle? Spike Lee’s a profit), America is in the grip of hypocrisy fever. Ugly.


Gonorrhea (uck!).

It slowly drives you insane, causes infertility, parts of your body to fall off, sores on the scalp, and the added benefit of yellow, white, or green discharge from the penis, vagina, and anus – how festive. And as luck would have it, there’s a drug resistant strain going around.



The shit corporations are allowed to get away with… dammit, can we get a handle on this crap already?

From taxes – Many of the big U.S. corporations pay little to no taxes despite reaping record-breaking profits, and are routinely given millions in state tax subsidies and rebates;

To corruption – Corporations are legally allowed to bribe politicians under the term “lobbying”. Shit, the Supreme Court even ruled corporations have the same rights as actual people;

To the environment – We’ve only got one planet, but dammit if corporations let that get in the way of profits. All that recycling you’re doing is a waste of time, cause corporations pollute on a scale that nullifies any effort you, I, and everyone we know, and don’t know, can put forth. Example, a single cruise ship creates as much pollution as in a single day as 1 million cars.

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Men’s Skinny Jeans.


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