We here at Alumnah know that the only thing that Hip Hop loves more than Rap Beef and Mixtape Exclusives are Top Ten Lists. This list is about the Top Ten Wackest Rap Persona’s currently in Hip Hop. A persona according to Jungian Psychology is “A personal facade that one presents to the world.” in other words.. rappers is actors. However some people have a persona so wack it called for this Top Ten list. Vanilla Ice is by far the wackest persona EVER.. he’s so wack he couldn’t make the list. After all we never really considered him Hip Hop. So with much debate, and without further ado The Faculty presents:The Top Ten Wackest Personas in Rap (Right Now).
10. Lil Jon and The East Side Boyz
Lil Jon, pictured here with Big Sam… and Lil Bo (smh, but more on that later) probably set black people back farther than BET. First off.. he spawned the two biggest shuck and jive cats in the game. The Ying Yang Twins. WHATTT.. no it’s NOT OK. Secondly… The use of the confederate flag is common in their album artwork. Thirdly.. big SAM and lil BO.. SAMBO? COME ON! In case you aren’t familiar with what a Sambo is.. here ya go:
Paint me like a piccany? Sheesh.. even if their real names are Sam and Bo.. Change it up for the sake of pride. That is like a Salsa singer calling himself Spiccy Mc Spic The Car Thief.
Also Lil Jon was the inspiration for this video:
Obviously Lil Jon could have been number 1, but his persona deficiency is evident. After all we’re here to expose what you might not have seen before.
9. Weezy f. Baby + Baby
Now you might be wondering.. First.. why we didn’t warn you about this pic. Well it is old news. Since then Boosie kissed Weebie and the south continued to lose. Second, you’re wondering why Weezy + Baby. Well, Lil Wayne contacted us and explicitly said “I dun go no whur without my daddy”. Here at Alumnah we take these artists very seriously.
Our very own Rey weighs in on Weezy effs Baby and .. umm.. Baby’s status:
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Lil’ Wayne is this generation’s 1998-1999 Eminem. Not very good, but you still listen to even the most obscure “‘Fuck is this guy?” collabo just to hear what he’s gonna say. As my main mayne Ty Biggs pointed out, if you ever read Weezy F. Mogwai’s lyrics you notice how fuckin’ stupid they are. The whole man-kissing, tight saggy jeans bits aside, it’s still this man’s overratedness that pisses me off the most. Asshole believes his press, but I happen to agree with those who say
“Tha Carter III” hasn’t dropped yet because it’s not that good, and because him and his people wanna keep their whole “The Emperor’s New Clothes” situation going for as long as possible.”
“Birdman *barf* Every new song you put out, every interview you put out, just makes me like “Still Fly” less. …and I fuckin’ loved “Still Fly”.”
8. Jim Jones
Yea Jim Jones… aka Dirt Angel aka Dipsets Ryda Man (interpret that how you will) aka Capo aka Cam’s former Hype Man… the list goes on and on.
Jim Jones is quite wack and here is why. First off.. you exude filth. We took a poll of 100 women from all over the country and asked them based on Jim Jones’ appearance do you think he..
A) Exudes filth
B) Seems slightly infested with germs
C) Just needs a slight delousing
D) Looks so fresh and clean with all that jewelry it doesn’t matter. Here are the results.
*The 1 southern girl we found admitted having a special place in her heart for Jim Jones.
Secondly.. Jim Jones is NOT talented.. as a matter of fact.. the only talent he truly has is convincing people he has talent.
Thirdly.. He came in this game on Cam’s back.. then he cavorts with the enemy.. of course it is possible that this is all an elaborate plan to let Cam play the cut while Jimmy finds new ways to “stay relevant” in todays rap game, but the truth is do we care?
*shakes magic 8 ball*
*signs point to no*
He also named himself after Homosexual Cult Leader Jim Jones who ordered the mass suicide of his followers.
Kicked off the trend of wearing baby clothes and low rise jeans that are 2 sizes too small…
He got Aired out and robbed by Tru Life.. He calls himself One Eyed Willy.. vernacular that refers to male genitalia or the dead pirate from “The Goonies”
and most people anticipate his next project will “flop like post-pregnancy boobies.”
Alumnah’s Ty Biggums also points out that Joe Budden aired him out on some deep shit in The Broken Wings Freestyle:
This Bi-Polar emcee retired from rap… before releasing an official debut, but it turns out nobody would Miss Saigon.. Get it? Well he retired, then a month later he came out of retirement. The fact of the matter on ol’ saidiggity is.. YOU’VE BEEN “THE NEXT BIG THING” SINCE RIGGZ MORALES’ DAYS AT THE SOURCE!…
That either suggests that Eminem, 50 Cent, Kanye West, Ludacris, T.I., Nelly, Ja Rule, DMX, BIG PUN etc. weren’t that big of a deal individually or collectively.. or you’ll be even BIGGER than all those dudes. I mean you’re comparing “The Greatest Story Never Told” to “Illmatic”, We don’t believe you, you need more… well you know what you need. Sure that Entourage appearance was a decent look, but your career on Entourage > your career in real life.
Also the tough guy routine and sucker punching midgets with sickle cell isn’t exactly what I would call constructive behavior.
Dre might need a Detox off of that HGH. Ok.. we could talk about the most anticipated album of the decade that has, in anticipation, become the antithesis of just that. Most of us forgot about Dre. Or we could talk about how Aftermath has become a storage facility for rappers’ careers.
However as Alumnah’s Phuque puts it:
“Chronic 2001 — dope….would’ve been nice if you had contributed. We give you your props, but thats where it stops (c) Jay Camel. Besides, niggas have been airing you out since “World Class Wreckin’ Cru”….you’ve just been slick enough to keep stay off the radar.”
Ice T went from COP KILLA to.. “I’m not a cop, but I play one on T.V….. every… single… chance… I … get” If that dramatic irony wasn’t enough, as Alumnah’s greenie puts it:
“We don’t believe you, you need more people. The quadruple O.G. pimp thing just doesn’t feel real anymore and the more we see of your trailer park hooker of a wifes twat, does not maketh you look like your pimp cup runneth over with player juice.”
The image of the pimp however… in society.. has been one that inspires curiosity and mystique. This claim required in depth analysis.
*BKScribe tosses challenge flag*
After reviewing the play.. Alumnah’s BKScribe says:
“The very fact that Ice T is pimping out that white bitch who doubles as his wife for the world to see shouldn’t be grounds for wackness, but greatness. Applaud that man.”
The ruling on the field is overturned. Ice T isn’t wack. Instead we replace number 5 with:
Muffugga you just suck. “WE DA BESSSS” We’ve done the research.. and the fact is.. you’re not the best.. you’re not top ten.. as a matter of fact you were only on this list as a dishonorable mention until Ice T’s wackness of persona was refuted. Also when you had the chance to ignite the Fat Joe, 50 Cent beef… you chose the high road and said give peace a chance.. As we all know peace isn’t only wack… it isn’t Hip Hop.
Lupe Fiasco.. Alumnah’s Crazy88 says simply “Fuck Lupe He Corny.. WOOOOOO!” and many agree. Lupe is seen now as Raps heralded savior however before you became a “superstar”… you were rapping about Killin muthafuckas and drugs and guns and shit. Now as we all understand human kind is a walking contradiction, but leave that shit to Nas, the originator of this contradiction shit. Not to mention Fiasco Gate.
Here is a video breakdown courtesy of Illroots.com:
3. Fat Joe
How is Fat Joe wack… let us count the ways. When you had the clothing line FJ56, you were doing ads for Sean John instead of your own clothing line. I mean the shit was wack and the only cats who wore it probably lived on your block, but still Believe in yourself. That same lack of belief is probably the reason you dick rode the south.
“The “I’m a southern rapper” thing pissed me off. This guy has, what, 8 solid singles to his name? He should’ve just stuck to doing that. Shamelessly joining the Lil’ Wayne and Screw Music bandwagons was just a terrible look who needed to hang tough (no NKOTB) after 50’s ass started picking on him. Instead, he ran down south where it’s apparently a 24/7 party with awful beats and unintelligible lyrics. His latest couple singles off of “Elephant in the Room” are Classic Joey Crack, but it’s gonna be hard for him to make people forget about him jumping the NY ship–especially since he’s the only NY rapper aside from Nas & Jay-Z that radio and MTV gets behind.”
and resident southerner greenie says:
“The definition of a leech. You ghostride every trend available — and you’re the worst rapper on your own squad. Self-ether. “
Add that to the fact that the reason anyone even knows who you are on the level you’re at now is because of Big Pun… the same Big Pun whose wife says you basically shitted on the family after his death:
“Si Ent.: Things haven’t been so well for you financially since Pun’s death, is that correct?
LR: People really think that I have a couple of millions and a couple of furs and cars [but] that’s not the truth. The truth is that after Pun hit platinum he started asking where his royalties were. He asked [Fat Joe] in my living room several times, “Where are my royalties?” He already went two times platinum and [was] working on Yeeeah Baby and asking about his checks. The answer was always that it was recouped. Pun let it slide by and just trusted that things would be good. I know he always trusted the fact that if he passed away, his family was going to be good. We even argued about that. He swore, “You’re TS, I’m TS!” He punched his chest and said “I’m TS.” And I was upset because I didn’t trust that-meaning trusting another man to make sure that I’m good.”
Not to mention that rumors are now flying around that Benzino of all people… plowed ya wifey. Got Dayum.. I dunno why you’re smiling.
Jermaine….. Dupri. J.D. Mr. Young Fly n Flashy. First off to comment on this pic. You are with Janet (freakin how many goats did you have to sacrifice to the devil to get that to happen) Jackson, Take off that god forsaken hoody and make yourself presentable.. in the way a giant midget should be presentable when in the company of Ms. Jackson.
Editors note: We here at Alumnah repsect all races, creeds colors and people both big and small. Midgets, we understand is not the correct term and they should be referred to as little people. Therefore we apologize. We also apologize for classifying Jermaine Dupri as one of your kind. No amount of condolences can make amends. If it makes you feel any better. Two out of the 5 males on Alumnah’s staff would have or have had relations with a little person. It’s on youtube.
Anyway back to J.D…. Homie.. you got AIRED OUT by our number 6 entry Dr. Dre. on numerous occasion. Even the now muscle bound Timbaland said, and I quote “Tell him he could ‘wikky wikky’ suck MY Dick”
The IRS ran up on you after your episode of Cribs and the concensus around the Hip Hop fan based community is:
“As Meka Soul once dubbed him, “The Shang Tsung of Producing” has yet to introduce a signature sound. Pick a producer, any producer, and he’s got a signature style–an element that makes you go, “Okay, that’s JD right there!” – Rey
“What the fuck do you do? You have NO signature style, and you should be Dragon Snap kicked in the neck for that “Them Jeans” song. This ninja is so short, he can’t even sit in the front seat of Janet’s whip due to airbag restrictions. Lil’ Wayne was rockin’ Bapes before him — now THAT’S outta the loop…..not to mention Bow Wow could beat his ass.” – Phuque
Which brings us to Number 1…
This Jermaine Dupri spawn was the only one capable of surpassing J.D. on this top ten list. It seems the student… has surpassed… the teacher.
Here is a quote from one of the Hip Hop teeny bopper sites commenting on Bow Wow’s tour with ‘Ahem’ SouljaBoyTellEm. “after soulja boy was finished with his set I coulda left right then. what the fuck is a bow wow anyway.” Well little lady… here is a Rey breakdown on Bow Wow:
“Bow Wow – You’d think someone named “Shad Gregory Moss” would try to draw as little attention to themselves as possible, but for some reason, Bow “Don’t call me Lil’” Wow has done the exact opposite. Not only did he become the next in the Jermaine Dupri assembly line of Teenage Girl Panty Moistener Rappers, but he’s also kiiiind of a dick. Not only did dude have the audacity to try and stunt on people using rhymes ghostwritten by the aforementioned J.D. and Tip Harris, but he also came out of his face legendarily by saying the top rappers in the game were himself, Kanye West, and 50.”
Not to mention his threatening of the ever feminine and non threatening Toure where he does his best TIP impersonation and calls himself Mr. 106th n park:
Shit.. I think it was put best by Former XXL EIC Elliot Wilson. since Elliot was fired XXL purged their site of anything YN, however the internets hold a muthafucka down. Here is YN’s Bow Wow post titled:“Don’t Take It Personal”
Dear Bow Wow,
Let me preface this by saying, I actually like you and even some of your music. I also predict that when it’s all said and done you’re gonna have an LL/Will Smith-like career. You seem in it for the long haul. But no one is recognizing it. So what do you do? You act a fool. So in turn, you get no respect. But there’s still some other reasons too, homie. Peep game.
26 Reasons Why Sir Shad Gregory Moss gets no respect:
1 You’re short.
2 You’re really short.
3 You still got a baby face.
4 You seem like a mama’s boy. Worst than Usher before the family wrecker came along.
5 Somebody else bumped your girl. 50 Cent!
6 R Kelly punked you out the “I’m a Flirt” song.
7 Your mentor JD gets no respect.
8 You seem like an ingrate cause you’re always shitting on the dude that put you on.
9 You were born in 1987. A year after Raising Hell.
10 You dropped the Lil from your name. Which is worst than being Lil in the first place.
11 You made an album with a nigga from B2K.
12 Lil girls love you. No, they really love you.
13 You call yourself Mr. 106 and Park like that’s a cool thing to be. Who’s your comp there AJ or Terrence J?
14 You call yourself Bow Wizzle like a fake baby Snoop Dogg who never put you on in the first place.
15 Death Row never signed you.
16 You call yourself Bow Weezy and we already got a Weezy.
17 You call yourself the Prince of the O-Town.
18 You come up with bad nicknames.
19 You jack other rapper’s flows and styles.
20 You make bad movies.
21 You got a Napoleon complex.
22 You talk too much.
23 You don’t listen.
24 You’re loud and wrong. As usual.
25 You’ll probably dismiss this and any criticism as hating.
26 You don’t have any hip-hop fans who care about you enough to make a list this long.
Sidenote: Does anyone remember the diss song Bow Wow made against Funkmaster Flex? Am I making this up? Revisionist history? I swear, it happened.
We reposted that for promotional use only.
So there you have it… Bow Wow rounds off the top ten wackest rap personas in the game. Don’t Agree with this list… say something about it.
Benzino – You’re trash. you killed ‘the hip hop bible’ the name of your biggest “hit” ever was ‘I See Booty’ probably written while you gazed in the mirror. Look at the jersey you’re wearing in that picture. You went against eminem in the most lopsided rap battle in history.. there are naked pictures of you floating around the internet and your 41. Get a grip on your life. Your claim to fame was extorting Dave Mays. To be as wack as you are to get where you are takes some talent… that talent isn’t musical though.
Canibus – you were once heralded as the next Rakim, yet the executive producer of your first album was on the diss track that preceded your second album. You got aired out by everyone after dropping what was probably the best diss record in years “2nd Round Knockout”. And after releasing several memorable verses.. your album sucked.. and they got worse each time. Give up already.
The Faculty has spoken.